from "i don't deserve this" to "actually, i don't deserve this"

the past few days i have been reminded about many of the things that frustrate me about the foster care system.  as a foster parent, you have few of the rights and decision making freedoms of a full parent, which can be difficult.  and in the midst of remembering these things that have frustrated me in the past are being brought up again, my heart has cried out to God "why are we doing this again?  we are good parents, we don't deserve to go through all of this!"

today i opened my favorite puritan prayer book and was totally convicted by the first lines:

"o Lord,
thou knowest my great unfitness for service,
                          my present deadness,
                          my inability to do anything for thy glory
                          my distressing coldness of heart"

and He immediately brought one of my favorite verses to mind:

"therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart" 2 corinthians 4:1


you see, my thought of not deserving the difficulties associated with foster parenting are very self-centered, thinking that i am so great and deserving of great things. actually, God is great, and i am rebellious and he is merciful to let me work with him for his glory, even when it is hard.

littlest one is God's mercy in our lives; we don't deserve her.

and since we have this ministry of foster parenting by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart.