passionate, joyful homemaking: distractions to the stay at home mom

“[older women in the church] are to teach what is good, and so train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home...”   titus 2:5

“[the excellent wife] looks well to the ways of her household,

and does not eat the bread of idleness”   proverbs 31:27

the bible teaches that mothers should manage their households well, and have a homeward focus.  though this certainly doesn't mean that every second of the day and every thought of her head must revolve around her household and family, her orientation should be homeward.  often times, careers can get in the way of this homeward focus.  but being a stay at home mom does not guarantee that a mother is managing her household and family well; there are plenty of other things that can distract her.

children's activities.  moms can get very busy driving their kids around to karate, soccer, cheerleading, dance class, swim team, and so on.  not only can this be a big burden and distraction on mom, it can also take away from important family time.  sports practices and other activities are often scheduled during the dinner hour, making it impossible for a mother to fix dinner, much less getting the whole family to sit down together to eat.  

these activities may also be a day-time distraction.  i know of some mothers who go to play dates with other moms/kids on a daily basis.  it starts to take away from their one-on-one time with their kids, and makes it hard to fulfill their household duties.

in our culture with the ease of getting places and lots of leisure time, opportunities for kids abound.  however, activities like these can become burdensome and enslaving.  in order for a mother to be able to serve her family well, she may need to limit the amount of activities her children are involved in.  it also helps to keep a focus of discipleship with your children:  choose their activities with an eternal perspective for the whole family (what is going to benefit the family most for eternity).

the internet.  it is amazing that with technology these days, a mother can stay in her house all day without even thinking about her household or family once.  the internet can be a huge distraction to many mothers.  even "good" things: keeping up with friends, looking up recipes, learning home keeping tips, or finding fun kiddo activities, can become bad things when they distract from a mother's important service to her family.

hobbies. hobbies are a much needed outlet for many moms.  some hobbies, like gardening, sewing, scrap booking, baking or knitting may even contribute well to the needs of the household.  but just like the internet and children's activities, good things can be bad things when they take over your life.

certainly, we honor God when we enjoy life through things like hobbies.  but the bible also makes it clear that the christian must lay down her life and desires to serve others at times.  so, there could be times when your hobby needs to be set aside so that you may serve your family well.

what other things can distract mothers from having a homeward focus?

gardening WIN

so, today i was poking around in my garden a bit.  feeding my worms here, planting a few spinach seeds there, nothing major.

i happened to look at my cherry tomato plant (which came up all by itself last year, and incidentally was pretty much the only plant in my garden that produced anything) and noticed something that looked black and furry.  upon closer inspection i saw that it was an infestation of spiky black bugs!!

nooooo.  i thought.  how can this be?  i am not immune to the bug infestations that all my gardening books talk about like i was hoping??


so i went inside and googled "black spiky bug tomato" and found out that they were tree hopper nymphs.  (seriously, how did anybody do anything before google??)  relief!  the problem is named.  but how to rid my prized tomato plant of them?

almost everything i read suggested picking them off and squishing them by hand.

now, if you know me, you know that i CANNOT squish a bug (except for ants... i hate ants...). its not because i feel sorry for the bugs, but because i absolutely hate the crunchy sound/feeling under my fingers when i have to squish one (even thinking about it makes me squirm!).

so what to do???  i went outside again, and noticed that most of the branches they were on were probably dispensable (they didn't have any flowers or tomatoes on them), so i considered cutting them off and throwing them in the trash.

and then the brilliant idea came!  i carefully cut off the branches and took them into the house, and tossed them into our chicken box.  at first the chicks were a bit scared but eventually they started to peck... and soon they devoured all of my tomato pests.

bugs are very nutritious for chickens.  so, not only did i get rid of the bugs, but i also helped to nourish our chickens.  two birds with one stone... yeah!

sarah + chicks = gardening WIN!!!! :D

training our boys to be men

i read this two part blog series on training our boys to be men this morning and i just had to share it with you... i highly recommend it!

training our boys to be men, part 1


"If I want my men to be dangerous for the kingdom of God, I need to be dangerous too. Over the years, God has shown me that I need to be WARRIOR in prayer and intercession, and not a WORRIER.
Today’s world desperately needs REAL MEN; and as mothers in God’s kingdom, we need to do our part to raise our boys to make a difference."



training our boys to be men, part 2

"Let’s raise our boys to not be wimpy, but strong and uncompromised; to have a heart for the persecuted, the lost, and the needy; to stand-firm against injustice; and to boldly advance God’s kingdom and His righteousness."

on being the mother of one baby

i have had an unusual parenting experience thus far.

alex and i tried to adopt before having biological kids.  originally we were just going to take in one child, but pretty early on in our foster care classes we learned that there is a big need for families who are willing to take in sibling sets, so we decided we would be open to two children, ages two and under.  some people thought that this was a bit ambitious, but we figured that we are young, so we can keep up with two young kids like others would not be able to.

soon after we were certified, two children were placed in our home- a baby girl almost 6 months old and a baby boy almost 18 months old.  they had two older brothers, ages 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 who were placed in another home.  after a couple weeks,  the older brothers needed a new foster home, so we decided to take them in as well.  at this point, people decided that we weren't ambitious, but rather crazy.  fast forward 10 months and a judge ruled for the kids to go back with their birth mom.  four months later esther was born.

so, in a nutshell, if you are keeping track, we went from zero kids to two to four to zero again and then to one.

and i am really enjoying this time with just one baby in the house. it is so unique.  its such a joy to be a mother but also feel like life is manageable.  i know things wont always be this easy... soon esther will be crawling and walking, and (hopefully) soon we will be getting another foster baby.  but i am soaking in every moment while i can.

the early days were the easiest... she slept all day!  but even now, its nice that i can generally count on 3-4 hours of nap time per day.  and when she is awake she loves being carried in her moby or ring sling, which allows me to move throughout the house without having to worry about her.

i love that i can sit down and read a book to her whenever i want, or sing a silly song, or dangle toys above her for her to bat at.  but there is also plenty of time and space for me to hang out with friends,  hang out with other mamas, do housework, volunteer at various places, try new recipes, write blogs, do ministry at church, etc.

a time will come when i have to sacrifice more of these things that i enjoy to spend more time with our children.  but right now i can't help but to be incredibly thankful for this stage of life.

[and i cant end this post without a HUGE thank you to my hardworking husband for providing for us financially, so that i am able to focus on my household duties without the stress of a job.  thank you alex and i love you!!]

why do christians need the ethical instructions of the bible?

the bible makes it clear that God is the one who causes us to be good and do good things that honor him when we become christians.  we are reborn when we become christians (john 3), the old self passes away and God makes us a new creation (2 corinthians 5:17). the Holy Spirit works in us to produce godly character (galatians 5:6-7), it is not something that we can work hard and strive to produce in ourselves.

as a result of learning these truths, sometimes i wonder why God has to give christians so many instructions through the bible. if christianity is not morality, but rather life changed by God, what role does the pages and pages of ethical and moral instruction play in the christian's life?

i read something today from nancy wilson's blog that was very illuminative on this topic:

"When Paul gives ethical instructions (stop lying, etc.) he is speaking to the regenerate. The unregenerate cannot obey ethical instructions. If they do, it is like water on a hog, and soon the hog will return to the mud. When the regenerate hear ethical commands, it is food to the sheep. They respond and are nourished by the instruction."

[regenerate= those who have been given new life by God, with new desires to love, honor and please him]

"the hog will return to the mud".  that sounds like the teaching of jesus that i wrote about a couple days ago.

but the reason that this impacted me was because of what this says about christians. the instructions of the bible are like food to true christians.  we enjoy learning more about how to love, honor and please God.  it is our spiritual nourishment.

photo credit: bucatini all'amatriciana by zen zero on flickr

so next sunday, as your pastor goes up to preach the sermon, picture him as the chef and you as the glad recipient of the delicious and nourishing meal that he has prepared.

a balanced raw milk debate

over the past couple days, i have watched bits and pieces of a raw milk debate that occurred at harvard law school earlier this month.  it is rare that raw milk is debated by both sides in the same location at the same time.  i appreciated that this debate was fair and balanced, with leading experts from both sides of the debate.  it is long (an hour and a half) but i recommend it to you (you can watch it while nursing, doing dishes or other activities where your hands are busy but your ears are free, like i did!):

i took notes here and there throughout the debate, and here are some of the things that i learned that stuck out to me:

*raw milk contains all the components of blood (including lymphocytes, etc) except for red blood cells

*only .005% of food borne illnesses come from raw milk.  and this is not for lack of drinkers: 9 million americans (3% of our population) drink raw milk

*studies show that raw milk helps relieve asthma.  5500 people per year die of asthma.  no one has died of raw milk consumption in the past 20 years.

*CDC: "raw milk is one of the riskiest foods of all" (this is a curious point since earlier i pointed out that only .005% of food borne illnesses come from raw milk)

*yes, there are small risks involved with drinking raw milk.  but there are risks in consuming any food.  recently people have died from diseases contracted from spinach, ground beef, cantaloupe and peanut butter but no one is talking about completely banning these foods.  so why raw milk?

*a study was done with rats. some were fed exclusively raw milk and some pasteurized milk.  not only were the raw milk fed rats healthier, but they also behaved better.  the pasteurized milk fed rats tended to bite their handlers.  interestingly, anecdotally, the number one result of giving raw milk to their children that parents report is better behavior.

*the biggest disease concern with raw milk is the fact that udders are close to the cow's anus, therefore fecal contamination is a danger.  cows produce a lot of manure... 125+ lbs per day!!

*one debater (a lawyer) recommended that raw milk purchasers be forced to sign a waiver before purchasing raw milk.  one audience member asked why mcdonald's (which is causing WAY more people to become unhealthy) wouldn't have to have customers sign a waiver.

*raw milk freedom: it comes down to the pursuit of happiness.  

photo credit: "raw milk" from Angelina Williamson on flickr

you can see that my notes lean towards the pro-raw milk side of things (indeed, we buy raw milk whenever i can fit it into our budget), but you will find a balanced view of both sides if you watch the video.  overall, i was more impressed with the pro-raw milk side and learned a lot that i hadn't already learned from my research, but i was also challenged by some of the points made by the raw milk cautioners. 

what do you think? do you drink raw milk?  should it be legal?  if you drink it, have you seen health benefits?  if you don't, what are your concerns?

removing evil and partial conversion: thoughts on luke 11:24-26

[jesus speaking] “when the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, and finding none it says, ‘i will return to my house from which i came.’ and when it comes, it finds the house swept and put in order. then it goes and brings seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there. and the last state of that person is worse than the first.” luke 11:24-26

photo credit: "sweeping house" by fotobird1 on flickr

one of the important lessons from this passage is that evil cannot simply be removed, it must be replaced with good.

one example of how this plays out is in the christian's thought life.  many women (myself included) struggle with their thought lives.  my thoughts often revolve around worry about the future, fear of the unknown or double-thinking.  in my attempt to battle thoughts that don't honor God, this passage is helpful in reminding me that i cant just remove the untrue/dishonorable thoughts ("stop thinking about bad things!").  they instead must be replaced with good, true, christ-centered thoughts.  paul teaches on this, putting it this way:

"rejoice in the Lord always; again i will say, rejoice. let your reasonableness be known to everyone. the Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." philippians 4:4-8 

it is not happenstance that these verses stand next to one another in paul's letter.  it is clear that paul sees a link between rejoicing, defeating anxiety, prayer and God-centered thoughts.  it is important to note too, that we don't bring about the peace that paul teaches of: it is the gift of God, which is why we seek God for it; it is not something we bring about ourselves.

this principle of good replacing evil also plays out in a person's decision to follow Christ.

this passage is one of the few places that the new testament speaks of partial conversion.  one of the saddest things for me to see as a christian is people who seem to become christians embrace the gospel, the bible and God's people enthusiastically for a time, then fall away and cease to follow jesus.

partial conversion happens when a person comes to have a positive view of or experience with christianity and christ, but they never repent of their sin and the Holy Spirit does not come to live in them and they do not experience the necessary rebirth from death to life (see john 3).  their outward life starts to look very "christian" but inwardly they have not been cleansed and changed by God.

this is very common in our country since christians teachings are looked at in a positive light by many people who are not christians.  as a result, many people decide to start living a "christian" life, but this is not a life empowered by the Holy Spirit.  so, they may get rid of the evil and metaphorically sweep out their house, but since the Holy Spirit has not replaced the evil that was in their life, they leave themselves open to being overpowered by evil once again.

there is a temptation that i see among christians to preach morality instead of christ.  we want our friends who dont know jesus to stop sleeping with their boyfriends, to stop lying, to stop being depressed, to stop getting drunk every weekend.  even if we are successful in getting them to change their lives (which is unlikely anyways), we are making them "twice the sons of hell" (matthew 23:25) if this is accomplished without jesus.  the gospel, the good news that jesus saves sinners and changes lives, must be at the center of what we preach.

but how can we make sure that conversion is true and that the Holy Spirit lives in those who seem to become christians?  the truth is that it is by God's grace (gift) that the Holy Spirit dwells in anyone.  we cannot force His hand.

but he does give us the gift of prayer: we can and should pray for those who seem to be exploring christianity (or have seemed to come to know jesus).  furthermore, if you are a christian, examine your heart to make sure that you have truly repented and trusted Christ fully with your life (in line with hebrews 6).

[thanks to d.a. carson's "for the love of God" for sparking and molding my thoughts on this passage]