Ladies: Offer your Bodies as Living Sacrifices

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.(Romans 12:1-2, ESV)

The Bible teaches that Christians are to sacrifice everything- our time, energy, money, even our bodies, in service to a Worthy God.  This isn't something we need to work hard to force ourselves to do; its a natural response of gratefulness to the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus first made on our behalf, and is empowered by his Spirit.  And though at times these sacrifices may be difficult or even painful, our sacrifices here on earth will have eternal impact and benefits, and ultimately will be something we don't regret.

One of the biggest sacrifices (with the most potential for eternal impact) we women can make in service to Jesus is to become mothers: to bear and raise image-bearers of God for His glory.  This is Biblical truth.

But the problem is, that the world is screaming in our ear.  The world says to protect your body, so that you will be truly happy.  The world says, delay or avoid motherhood so that you don't have to experience the pain of childbirth or give up your freedom or your perfect body (the irony with this fear is that women are delaying child bearing into their mid to late thirties, when the body is least able to recover physically from pregnancy.).  And the world is screaming at us so loudly, it is often drowning out the paltry amount of Biblical truth we are allowing ourselves to imbibe on this subject.

The Bible does not say motherhood will be easy.  In fact, as a result of the fall, the things the world is saying about motherhood is true: it limits your freedom, it is painful and it will change your body.  But in God's economy, these sacrifices are small compared to the reward they will reap.  Second Corinthians 4:16-18 puts it this way:

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 

The Bible paints a picture that sacrifice for the Kingdom of God is eternal, while preserving your body is not.  Keeping your perfect body "untainted" by motherhood or keeping your free time open to do whatever you want might be convenient for a few years here on earth, but 100 years from now, this wont be a thought in your mind.  Your only concern about life on earth in 100 years will be what kind of eternal impact your life has had.

So ladies, when you are tempted to protect your body, to selfishly keep it to yourself rather than pour it out in service to others or your children, meditate on the body and blood of Christ, shed for you.  Think about what Jesus has done by giving his body up for us, and not holding it back.  Meditate on scripture (such as those above) about sacrificing your body and living for eternal good.  Repent of the transient things you are living for, and ask for an eternal perspective on your life.  The only way to overcome the screams of the world is to douse them with the Word of God.

Three Reasons to Avoid the Pill

Like most pharmaceutical products, the contraceptive pill has been touted as safe and effective for years, calling it "like a vitamin".  And, as with most drugs, doctors have been bribed and paid and encouraged in other ways by Big Pharma to prescribe it to patients.  And the drug companies profiting from this drug also had another ally: millions of feminists who touted the drug as giving freedom to women.

The problem is, the Pill is not completely safe.  And the problem is, while the Pill has "freed" up women to not get pregnant, it has also enslaved them to inadvertent abortion, bad health and infertility.  Is that really freedom?

Abortion

There are three ways that the birth control pill works to prevent pregnancy.  The main way is to prevent ovulation.  The other two ways are to thicken cervical mucus so that it is harder for the sperm to reach the egg, and also to make the uterine lining an inhospitable environment for a fertilized egg.

The biggest concern with the Pill for a Christian stems from this last method.  In this way, the birth control pill can cause a spontaneous abortion, which is a grave consideration for Christian couples to take.  Some have argued that this is not a big concern because this is not the normal function of the pill, it usually prevents a pregnancy through the other methods listed above.  However, for anyone who stands against the murder of the unborn, if there is even a tiny chance of preventing your baby from living, this is a grave consideration to make before a holy God, before whom you will give an account of all your actions one day.

Though this point is the shortest in length, the moral implications are the most profound.  Don't ignore the possibility of abortion just because you will not know that it has happened (until you get to heaven and meet your child).  Do not ignore the possibility of abortion because many other couples you know are putting their head in the sand.  Please research this point extensively, as it could be a life or death decision.  I recommend that all Christian couples considering use of (or using) the birth control pill read Randy Alcorn's pamphlet "Does the Birth Control Pill Cause Abortions?".

Health

The pill has an adverse affect on women's health in several ways.

One effect that is becoming more well known of recent is the impact on gut health.  Birth control pills (especially when used for many years on end) cause a disruption in the normal bacterial balance of the gut, killing good bacteria and allowing bad bacteria to overpopulate.  There are more bacterial cells in the body (mostly in the digestive system) than there are human cells in your body by a ratio of about 10 to 1!  In fact, bacteria make up about 6 lb of body weight in the average person, and help with various functions of the body from digestion, immunity, psychological health and even growth.  Research into this area of the body is very new and there is a lot more that we will learn in the coming years.  But suffice it to say, messing with the bacterial balance of your body is a bad idea.  The noted autism researcher Dr. Campbell-McBride discourages women from using the birth control pill because of the likelihood that it contributes to autism through bacterial imbalance passed on from a mother to a newborn baby.

Another health concern with the birth control pill is the fact that the hormones that it contains are not bio-identical.  The reason that the hormones are not bio-identical is that if they were identical to the body, pharmaceutical companies could not patent their product or market it as unique (it all comes down to money.  Surprise, surprise.)  So they take the hormones of the body and change them in slight ways, so that they are still effective in preventing a pregnancy, but have been shown to not quite be compatible with the body.  This can be seen during pregnancy, for example.  If a woman takes artificial progesterone through the depo-provera pill, her baby is at higher risk for birth defects.  But taking bio-identical progesterone during pregnancy has not been shown to cause harm, and may even help towards having a healthier pregnancy.

Another consideration to make with the Pill is that the hormones from the Pill cannot be filtered out or destroyed from water, even with the strongest, best filter (not even by my beloved Berkey which gets pretty much everything else in the world out of water!).  My father-in-law, who is on the water board of a major midwestern city, was the first to alert us to this fact, that all of us are drinking in low-levels of birth control every day.  It should be noted that birth control pills are not the exclusive contributing factor, as industrial chemicals and farm use of hormones in livestock are also a cause of our estrogenic water.  What are the effects of this on the general public?  No one knows for sure, probably because there is no one who would benefit (financially) from this information.  But at least one study sees a correlational link to prostate cancer in men and another study has shown the hormones to cause a condition known as intersex in fish in affected waterways (which has lead to declining fish populations).  There are also theories that our estrogenic environment is contributing to the rise of precocious puberty, breast cancer and thyroid imbalances.  One Forbes op-ed even went so far as to say that women on the birth control pill should pay and extra $1,500 per year in pollution tax for the societal cost and environmental impact of that choice.  This is an extreme proposition, but goes to highlight that birth control pills are causing pollution, which should not be ignored.

Fertility

Have you ever wondered why there has been such a surge in women struggling with infertility in the past few years?  Doubtless there are a number of causes, such as the surge in estrogenic chemicals in our environment and water (for example almost all plastic, including the well-publicized chemical BPA).  But the Pill has contributed to this in a number of ways.

First of all, as noted above, the Pill does not use bio-identical hormones and may alter or affect the body's ability to conceive.  Many alternative health specialists recommend that women use an alternate form of birth control for 6 months after stopping use of the Pill to clear their body out from the artificial hormones which may have an effect on the pregnancy or baby.  In a similar stream, it may also take the body some time to start ovulating normally after extensive periods of unnatural suppression, especially as many women are now on the pill for 10, 15 or 20 years before trying to conceive.

Secondly, the Pill can mask fertility problems.  Some women start on the Pill when they are in their teens for the purpose of regulating their cycle.  The Pill regulates them for years, but never fixes their underlying reproductive health issues.  When they get to 30 or 35 years of age and want to have kids, they are eager to get pregnant but don't realize it may take years to fix the underlying issues that they have spent years (and lot of money) ignoring.  In some cases they may never be able to fix the underlying issues once they have reached this age.

Last of all, the Pill encourages women to wait until the least fertile years of their life to have children.  It could be argued that this is the case with all birth control methods, which is true to some extent, but the birth control pill is the "easiest" method (which is probably why it is so widely used) and requires the least awareness to the fact that it is indeed suppressing fertility.   This has lead numerous women to ignore their ticking "biological clock" until sadly, its too late.  As one article put it,

"Suddenly, one anxiety—Am I pregnant?—is replaced by another: Can I get pregnant? The days of gobbling down the Pill and running out to CVS at 3 a.m. for a pregnancy test recede in the distance, replaced by a new set of obsessions. The Pill didn’t create the field of infertility medicine, but it turned it into an enormous industry. Inadvertently, indirectly, infertility has become the Pill’s primary side effect." (source)

Alternatives
The thing that concerns me most about the Pill when it is used by Christian couples is the lack of thought that goes into it, which is my main motive for writing this article.  The Bible says that our lives will look very different from the rest of the world, which plays out even in the areas of birth control and childbearing.  Just because many Americans use the Pill and think it is quite normal, doesn't mean that its use should be normalized amoung Christians.  But too often we get our cues from the world and don't even consider the matter through a Biblical lens.  A Christian couple certainly needs to consider the possible abortifacient side of the Pill when considering if and what birth control method to use and, to a lesser extent, whether the health and fertility effects of the Pill are wise stewardship of the body.

I'm not in the camp that says that all birth control is bad or sinful (though I will be quick to add that it is overly relied upon in our culture of chasing affluence).  I think that it is something that should be approached with prayer and discernment and seeking the wise counsel of others.  The two methods that I would recommend are any kind of barrier method or natural family planning (which is highly effective as it has been refined and improved in recent years).  NFP has the added benefit of being very inexpensive, completely chemical-free (even barrier methods expose you to some plastic or latex and usually a chemical coating) and helps a women to understand her fertility better, which will be an added benefit when the couple decides to pursue pregnancy.

I welcome discussion over this topic, but please keep your comments factual, to the point and God-honoring.  Please avoid character attacks and emotional tirades.  I encourage you to read our comment policy.

Sources:
Does the Birth Control Pill Cause Abortions? By Randy Alcorn
The Better Baby Book (which I reviewed here) By Dr. Lana and Dave Asprey
Gut and Psychology Syndrome By Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride
Three Ways the Birth Control Pill Works
Waking Up from the Pill (originally published in the New York Magazine)
How Bacteria in our Bodies Protect our Health (originally published in Scientific American)
Prostate Cancer may be Linked to Birth Control Pill in Water Supply
Women on Contraceptive Pill Should Pay $1,500 Per Year More in Tax (Forbes)

Four Great Biblical Womanhood Resources

In a world that constantly seeks to flatten gender differences, as Christian women we need to constantly "renew our mind" (Romans 12:2) by learning about biblical womanhood from the One who created man and women.

Here are four great resources about biblical womanhood for your refreshment and encouragement.


1. The Bible

Reading and meditating on scripture is by far the most effective way to battle the lies we hear daily by living in the world.  Proverbs 31, 1 Peter 3 and Titus 2 are great passages on godly womanhood, as well as Ephesians 5:22-24 and Proverbs 14:1.  The whole book of Proverbs is excellent for increasing in wisdom.

2. Under Authority like Christ by Mark Driscoll (a sermon on 1 Corinthians 1:2-16)

I have listened to this sermon probably 5 or 6 times.  I love how he is very upfront and unapologetic about what the Bible teaches about womanhood in the context of the church, even when it goes against our current culture.  Moreover, the reasons for why biblical womanhood is better than feminism are important to hear.  He delves into the topic of submission and being under authority, and points out that Christ himself was also under authority, showing that submission is not a demeaning thing.  I especially love the two stories he tells during the last part of the sermon, so make sure to listen until the end.

3. Speaking on Womanhood by Voddie Baucham (a sermon on Titus 2)

I found this sermon randomly last month.  I listened to it and found it to be the best sermon on Titus 2 that I have ever heard.  I found myself going "yes!" and "amen!" the whole time I was listening.  This sermon focuses on a woman's role, especially in the context of marriage and family.  A strong, biblical wife and mother will make for a godly family.

4.  The Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney

This is the best book on biblical womanhood that I have read.  I am hoping to re-read it sometime in the near future.  Carolyn Mahaney touches on some of the same things as Baucham (as they are covering the same passage) but she is able to go more in depth since it is a book, and she is able to speak more from personal experience, since she is a woman.



What resources on biblical womanhood would you recommend?

counter-cultural ways to live out your femininity

in a gender-flattening culture such as ours, one of the ways to glorify and testify to the real and living God is to deeply live out our gender in a biblical way.  even when our culture does admit to some distinction between the genders, these definitions are a far cry from the ways that God created our gender to be lived out.

here are some practical ideas of counter-cultural ways to live out your femininity.  it will offend some.  it way be seen as politically incorrect.  but it points to and honors the one who created you to be uniquely female.

not freaking out about baby fat.  i do believe it is important and good to have a nice appearance to honor and show love to your husband. but God created our bodies to be used and not preserved.  if you die at an old age and your body is not worn out and used up, you may not have been using it to pour out service to others.  the normal wear and tear associated with child-bearing (including breast feeding) is a good thing.  so, yes, work out and eat healthfully.  dress nicely when you go out on a date with your husband.  but reject our culture's obsession with looking the same as you did pre-baby.  in fact, don't even talk about it.  its not realistic, and its not honoring to God.

extended breast feeding.  our culture tells women to reject their God-given ability to breast feed in exchange for the "convenience" of formula.  because that way, dad can feed the baby too! (remember what i said about our culture flattening gender differences?).  fortunately, some are starting to recognize the beautiful ways that God created breast milk to be the superior nutritional source for babies.  however, there are definite limits our culture sets on this.  it seen as weird to breast feed past the time baby has teeth, or up to a year old at most.  however, the immune boosting properties of breast milk are actually more important the second year of a child's life than the first (as they are more mobile and exposed to more germs).  and the majority of the world today (and the vast majority of mothers in the history of the world) have breastfed until 2+ years.  again, our culture emphasizes the inconvenience of breast feeding to a mother.  but she cannot frequently escape her child for long periods when she is breast feeding!  better wean as soon as possible!  in extended breast feeding we can embrace the God-given role of motherhood and reject our culture's call to escape baby and have our "own life" apart from baby (and toddler).

be a stay at home mom.  and LOVE doing it.  the #1 response i get when people see me in public (these days with two babies, previously with four kiddos) is "WOW, you must have your hands full!" (often in a critical tone...).  my response is always "yes, full of blessings!" (which is often returned with a blank look or a glare, but i digress...).  our society teaches that you must live a significant life, and their definition of significance involves career and a lot of time away from your own kids (ironically, if your career involves teaching or helping other people's kids, it is seen as a noble career.  but not if it involves your own kids!).

embracing the call to full time motherhood is certainly counter cultural.  but to go against culture even more, LOVE your job and don't complain about it.  moms are expected to complain about motherhood (after all, motherhood and childbearing were certainly touched by the fall.) but we honor God when we enjoy the work he has cut out for us.

manage your household.  do most of the chores, and do them without complaining.  despite our society's attempts to flatten gender roles, studies show that women still do the majority of household chores, even when they work full time (a result of a serious epidemic of the rejection of real manhood).  if you embrace your role as a household manager, you will likely be doing most of the chores (though hopefully not while working full time).  love this. embrace it.  don't use it as an opportunity for bitterness or complaining.  reject the common trend in our society for women to complain about housework.  i can't put it better than this:

"work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.  remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, as the Master you are serving is Christ" colossians 3:23-24

"how do i change my husband?!"

you may not realize this, but on your wedding day, you actually married three men: the man you thought you were marrying, the man he actually is and the man that he is becoming, by God's grace.

every wife has a list of things she would change about her husband if she could (and same for husbands!).  often times they are just personality differences, but sometimes they are actual sin patterns or weaknesses.  when dealing with these things, we have two options: we can nag our husbands to death, or we can trust God.

the bible is pretty clear about the result of nagging:

"a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping" -proverbs 19:13

"it is better to live on the corner of the housetop that in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife" -proverbs 21:9

life experience too will tell you that nagging will only drive a wedge into your marriage and it will never fix your husband.

so if nagging isn't the answer, what does it look like to trust the Lord in this?  there are two powerful weapons we have:

pray for your husband.  when your heart is tempted to complain to or about your husband, turn your words of complaint into words of prayer for him.  in a way, its kind of fun because it is subversive.  you are going behind the enemy's back (who is tempting you to be annoyed!) and your husband's back (but in a good, loving way) tapping into the power of the most high God.  you are effecting change without anybody (but God) knowing that you are doing so.  if you are lucky you might be able to temporarily change your husbands behavior by nagging, but in prayer you can ask the Holy Spirit can change his heart, and therefore permanently change his behavior.

secondly, submit to your husband.  peter says, "likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct." (1 peter 3:1-2)  the context here is believing women married to non-believing men, but i think the same thing applies to believing husbands.   submission is an active thing, we must choose on a moment by moment basis to submit (by the power that God provides through the Holy Spirit), and God can use this submission to change our husbands.

submitting will be uncomfortable at times.  you may think "this doesn't feel right.  why won't God just change my husband already?!"  He has a plan.  and the plan is good.  and keep in mind that we can submit because it is ultimately an act of faith and trust in God, and not our husbands.  "wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord." ephesians 5:22  (and make sure to read this so that you understand what a wife's submission does NOT mean)

you will be tempted to take leadership when you think you can do better.  but wait on the Lord. if it helps, remember sarah, abraham's wife.  at first, she believed the Lord's promise to bring her and abraham a son.  after years and years of waiting, she couldn't do it anymore.  she had to take things into her own hands.  what was the result?  not God's promise.  it was ishmael, who ended up fathering a nation of people (the arabs) that continues to haunt the jewish people to this day.


are you tempted to step in where you feel like your husband or God isn't leading or providing?  maybe you want him to lead you in time in the bible each day, but he isn't so you try to force such a time each evening after dinner as he rolls his eyes.  maybe he isn't bringing in enough money through his job, so you have decided to take matters into your own hands and look for work.  maybe you want him to be more involved at church, so you sign the two of you up for volunteering.

no matter the issue, remember that God can bring something from nothing, but even our best efforts will result in nothing (or will have lasting negative effects as we cause our husbands to be bitter) when we act outside of God's revealed desire for our lives.

need some encouragement?  read this beautiful story of how God changed one woman's heart from being annoyed to serving her husband, and all the joy and blessings it has brought!

[some of these thoughts were taken from this panel discussion of pastor's wives from the recent T4G conference.  a great listen, i highly recommend it!]

passionate, joyful homemaking: the myth of the stressed out, busy mom

[if you haven't read other posts in this series, start here]

of the following words, which do you most typically associate with moms?

peaceful
worried
busy
relaxed
fun
stressed out
sleep deprived


my guess is that you would choose more of the words like "stressed" and "sleep-deprived" (especially moms of little ones!).  movies and TV shows also back up this stereotype, and research also shows that moms are often over-worked and lacking in adequate sleep.

to be sure, being a mom is not easy, no matter how many children you have, what their ages are, or what your family situation is like.  in fact, God created motherhood for sanctification, for the purpose of growing us and making us more like Himself, which he does though this challenging role.

but the busier we are, the harder it is to keep jesus the main thing. i can tell you without a doubt that the more stretched and stressed that i am, the harder it is to pray, meditate on God's word, and live with the Holy Spirit empowering me (rather than depending on my flesh).

the sad thing is that God's enemy loves to keep us nice and busy, so that our eyes stay off of jesus and are fixed on the present moment, the present crisis.  and that isn't hard these days in our busy culture, where busy and stressed out is the norm and expected.  often times, when i'm in an un-busy stage of life, i feel like i'm doing something wrong, rather than rejoicing in the peace.

one of the reasons that i am cautionary about vocation outside of the home for mothers is because it adds another burden to an already full plate, not only taking a mother's time away from her children, but also sapping her energy during the best hours of her day.  when she gets home, she often has too little time and energy to love her husband and children as the bible commands, let alone having a mind peaceful enough to focus on God.

as we looked at previously, there are several other things besides a career that can keep a mother too busy to focus on jesus and her family: ministry, the internet, hobbies and children's activities can all take away from the main thing.

the less busyness there is in your life, the more you can focus on quantity (not quality) time with your family:

i find that this concept is also true of my relationship with jesus:  i can't plan the moments when i really feel close and connected with him... i just keep reading the bible and praying, and unexpectedly he will bless me with a big truth or a loving reassurance from his word.

do you notice a difference in your relationship with jesus when you are busy versus when you are not busy?  do you notice a difference in your ability to serve your family when you are busy versus not busy?

passionate, joyful homemaking: biblical motherhood

a couple posts ago, my friend melissa asked me a crucial question: how should a christian mom be spending her time?  what are the most important priorities?

i felt a little silly when she asked this because i realized my posts have been a little scattered and not organized, linear thinking like i usually try to aim for.  one of my main purposes for this series is to stand counter to our culture that upholds paid vocation higher than motherhood.  but just as the biblical commandments of what we should do are bigger and harder than what we shouldn't do, so the purposes and focuses of motherhood are bigger and more important to study than those things that can distract from these purposes (though both are necessary and good to examine).

the bible describes a mother's role in several passages.  as we have already seen, God is the one who created men and women, and their unique roles and responsibilities, as described in genesis 1-3.  when we live out the way that God created us, we become most alive and free (though we will still face difficulties and trials), which is why it is important to gain our understanding of motherhood from the bible.  there are two other passages i will highlight in hopes of clarifying this.

"young women [are] to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." titus 2:4-5

two observations:

1. four virtues are mentioned: self-controlled, pure, submissive and kind.  two roles are mentioned (a "to do" list of sorts, if you will): loving their husbands and children and working at home.  in paul's perspective, these two things are the two roles most worth mentioning that young women should focus on.

2.  why should young women focus on these things? "that the word of God may not be reviled".  that is quite weighty.


a second passage is even more practical, for those of you who like tangible examples like i do.  it was written hundreds of years before paul's words and before jesus came, but it parallels the two roles paul mentions: loving our husbands and children, and working at home.

 "An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31:10-30

this passage doesn't mean that a good mother must do each one of these things in exactly the way listed, but more that this is an example of one great way to live out the role God desires for mothers.

here are some examples [although not an exhaustive list!] of how she fulfills the roles of loving her family and working at home:

loving her husband and children:
she makes them warm, fashionable clothes (v. 24)
all the days of her life she does good to her husband (v. 12) [worth praying about: do you do good, not harm, to your husband every single day?]
what she does for her children cause them to rise up and call her blessed (v. 28)
she supports her husband so that he can hold a high position in the city (v. 23)

working at home:
"she looks well to the ways of her household" (v. 27)
she provides food for her household (v. 15)
she makes bed coverings (v. 22)
she gardens (v. 16)
she makes extra clothing, and sells some to local merchants (v. 24)

i will add another category of what she focuses on: she does ministry:
she provides for the poor and needy (v. 20)
she teaches others to be virtuous (v. 26) maybe other women?  maybe her children?


this biblical mama spends much of her day loving and serving her family (and secondarily, her community).  she does what needs to be done, even when its hard (like waking up super early!), willing to lay down her life for their sake.  clearly, her husband and children feel loved and served, and they even exclaim "many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all." they cant hold in their praise and appreciation.  and verse 30 sums it up well:  each aspect of her motherhood is fueled by her fear of the Lord.




we see from the dawn of creation that God made women to be puzzle pieces that complete our husbands.  he created us to come along side of them, to love and help them, using the same word "helper" that he uses to describe himself as a helper of Israel.  scripture goes on to describe this role as extending to loving our children.  the way this plays out is by being a household manager, "looking well to the ways of [our] household[s]".  and why do we do this?  that the word of God may not be reviled.

that the word of God may not be reviled.


God's word is reviled in our culture, and more heartbreaking, it is reviled by many children of christian parents.  could this be in part because mothers are rejecting their God-given role, thinking they have a better plan for their lives?

we may never know the answer to this question (until we can ask jesus, face to face), but until then it is certainly worth meditating on and prayerfully seeking God for answers so that we can be a part of pointing our husbands, children and neighbors to jesus, even "adorning the gospel of God" (c.f. titus 2:10) with our good works and godly living.

passionate, joyful homemaking: distractions to the stay at home mom

“[older women in the church] are to teach what is good, and so train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home...”   titus 2:5

“[the excellent wife] looks well to the ways of her household,

and does not eat the bread of idleness”   proverbs 31:27

the bible teaches that mothers should manage their households well, and have a homeward focus.  though this certainly doesn't mean that every second of the day and every thought of her head must revolve around her household and family, her orientation should be homeward.  often times, careers can get in the way of this homeward focus.  but being a stay at home mom does not guarantee that a mother is managing her household and family well; there are plenty of other things that can distract her.

children's activities.  moms can get very busy driving their kids around to karate, soccer, cheerleading, dance class, swim team, and so on.  not only can this be a big burden and distraction on mom, it can also take away from important family time.  sports practices and other activities are often scheduled during the dinner hour, making it impossible for a mother to fix dinner, much less getting the whole family to sit down together to eat.  

these activities may also be a day-time distraction.  i know of some mothers who go to play dates with other moms/kids on a daily basis.  it starts to take away from their one-on-one time with their kids, and makes it hard to fulfill their household duties.

in our culture with the ease of getting places and lots of leisure time, opportunities for kids abound.  however, activities like these can become burdensome and enslaving.  in order for a mother to be able to serve her family well, she may need to limit the amount of activities her children are involved in.  it also helps to keep a focus of discipleship with your children:  choose their activities with an eternal perspective for the whole family (what is going to benefit the family most for eternity).

the internet.  it is amazing that with technology these days, a mother can stay in her house all day without even thinking about her household or family once.  the internet can be a huge distraction to many mothers.  even "good" things: keeping up with friends, looking up recipes, learning home keeping tips, or finding fun kiddo activities, can become bad things when they distract from a mother's important service to her family.

hobbies. hobbies are a much needed outlet for many moms.  some hobbies, like gardening, sewing, scrap booking, baking or knitting may even contribute well to the needs of the household.  but just like the internet and children's activities, good things can be bad things when they take over your life.

certainly, we honor God when we enjoy life through things like hobbies.  but the bible also makes it clear that the christian must lay down her life and desires to serve others at times.  so, there could be times when your hobby needs to be set aside so that you may serve your family well.

what other things can distract mothers from having a homeward focus?

passionate, joyful homemaking: healing balm for the widow's heart

there is one clear situation that makes it acceptable for a mother to work outside of the home: when she is a widow.  and because of the epidemic of deadbeat dads in our culture, i would broaden the category of widows to include single moms.

i cannot even imagine how difficult it would be to be widow, especially if you have very young children in the home.  i wont even attempt to make recommendations for any one in this position, but i do want to point you to some very comforting scripture passages.

Father of the fatherless and protector of widows 

is God in his holy habitation. psalm 68:5

as he drew near to the gate of the town, behold, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow, and a considerable crowd from the town was with her. and when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her and said to her, “do not weep.” then he came up and touched the bier, and the bearers stood still. and he said, “young man, I say to you, arise.” and the dead man sat up and began to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother. luke 7:12-15

as saddened as i am to see the vast number of widows in our country, i am greatly encouraged to know that God has a very tender heart towards widows.  he calls himself the defender or protector of widows.

the passage from luke shows the tender compassion God has towards widows.  can you imagine the pain this widow must be feeling?  first she loses her husband and his income.  then her son took her in, but now he too has died.  not only is she without the closest members of her family, but she is now also without any means of support.  in this account, we see that jesus has deep compassion for the woman, knowing the immense grief she has gone through.  he sees her situation and chooses to pour out his tender mercy on her by bringing back her son.  what joy!  not only has God provided for her physically, but emotionally as well.

single moms, do you wish you had a strong man at your side to protect and defend you?  this is a natural desire.  but take comfort, knowing that the God of the universe has promised that He is by your side as your protector and provider.

life as a widow/single mom will be hard... your heart may weigh heavy with the desire to be a stay at home mom, but you may have to work in order to provide for your children.  keep your eyes on jesus, and remember how he had compassion on the widow in luke... he has the same love and compassion for you!  do not lose heart, for this temporary affliction is preparing an eternal weight of glory (2 corinthians 4:16-18); God will bless your efforts to love and serve your family.

i would also highly recommend this sermon to you by pastor mark driscoll, about the passage i quoted above from luke.

lastly, for those reading this who are not widows, keep this in mind: "religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." james 1:27

"visit" implied not just financially helping widows, but being relationally involved in their lives.  pursue the widows that God has placed in your life, and seek to serve them.  and if you don't know any widows, pray that God would bless you with the opportunity to be a blessing in the life of a single mom or widow. this is one of the many ways that we as christians can demonstrate God's heart to the world.

what are some distractions that stay at home moms face?  click to go on to the next part of the series

passionate, joyful homemaking: what is the main role of a mother?

this post probably should have been earlier in the series... but better late than never :)

i have touched on the many benefits of being a stay at home mom, as well as God's creation of biblical femininity.  but what is the main job/purpose of a mother?  there are a few, but i will highlight one very important one: discipling her children.

why is discipleship important?

before we go further, let me define discipleship, since it is a church-y word that we can sometimes throw around without thinking about the implications.  discipleship is teaching about jesus and the bible, while modeling godliness, and exhorting and encouraging in faith.

for christian parents, the goal of parenting is to raise children who know jesus, and follow him closely.   although God is ultimately in control of their salvation and maturity, God uses means of discipleship to do this.

in recent years, with the advent of the role of youth pastors and private christian schools, many parents have (unfortunately) assumed that discipleship is the responsibility of christian teachers and youth pastors.  however, the main responsibility for discipleship is most certainly the parents'.  and while there are many contributing factors, it seems that this lack of emphasis on discipleship within the family has contributed to the decline of children of christian parents deciding to also follow jesus (though again, to be sure, God is ultimately in control of salvation).

what does the bible say about discipleship?

"so, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us."  1 thessalonians 2:8


"you shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  you shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land that the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens are above the earth."  deuteronomy 11:18-21

both of these verses are a beautiful picture of discipleship.


there are three themes in these verses about discipleship that i will highlight.

discipleship is continuous.


"you shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise"


"we were ready to share with you... our own selves"

children are constantly learning.  every minute of the day they are building their understanding of God and the foundations for their world view.  God instructs that this learning should come from their parents.

every minute of the day is full of opportunities to point our children to jesus through our words and actions.  it is important for mothers to be as available to their children as possible, so that they they can take full advantage of every opportunity.  usually we can not even anticipate the key teaching moments, which especially necessitate this availability.

discipleship happens through family devotion time, and reading the bible and praying together before bed.  it also happens when a child comes home crying from school because he was picked on that day, or when a child disobeys and must be disciplined.  children need their mothers to be open for counseling, theological discussion and life questions.  the more time, the better.  discipleship must be a priority so that every situation can be used to its full advantage to point to jesus.

this type of whole-life discipleship is a big responsibility, taking lots of time and energy.  it can best be accomplished when a mother can fully focus on discipleship with minimal other distractions.



discipleship happens in words and deeds.

"we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves..."


"you shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul... you shall teach them to your children..."

paul emphasizes two qualities in sharing the gospel: boldness and clarity (ephesians 6:19-20 and colossians 4:3-4).  boldness happens by teaching God's word outright.  clarity happens through living out the truths of the bible in relationships.  both boldness and clarity are needed to disciple our children well.

boldness happens while reading the bible together and leading in prayer, celebrating christ-centered holidays and explaining the gospel and other spiritual truths to our children.  clarity happens when children see these truths lived out.  parents should comfort their children (which points to the fact that God is our ultimate comforter), repent of sin (allowing their children to see their need for the gospel), discipline their children in love (which helps them understand that God disciplines those he loves), have fun with their children (to show that following God leads to joy) and pursue relationship with their children (just as God pursues relationship with his children).

discipleship yields fruit


"you shall teach them to your children... that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land that the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens are above the earth."


when we take steps of faith and make sacrifices (such as giving up a career) to disciple our children, God will bless it (see also psalm 112).  these passages are truisms and not promises, but they teach that God uses godly parents to raise up children that will be blessed by him.

in eternity, the decision to put our full time, energy and effort into discipling our children will not be one that we regret.

but what about widows and single moms?  click to go on to the next part of the series....

passionate, joyful homemaking: what about ___ situation?

if you have been reading my recent series, you have already read about God's creation of a mother's role, a discussion of whether christian mothers should pursue careers, and an exploration of why some mothers pursue careers at the cost of their biblical responsibility to keep the home.  furthermore, we have seen how the pleasure/duty paradox of christianity applies to being a stay at home mom.


this series may be leaving you with some questions.  


can i have a job and be a homeward focused mother?

to be clear, there are not cut and dry rules in the bible about a mother working outside of the home.  the main reason for this is that it used to be that there was less distinction between working inside and outside of the home.  many people were subsistence farmers, or had some sort of trade business that they ran from their house, so there was little divide between employment and household.

one way to get an idea of what God desires for biblical mothers is to read proverbs 31.  there are 12 verses in this passage that specifically describe her activities.  all of these verses describe her as doing something focused on serving her home and family (such as providing food, weaving cloth, etc.).  two of these verses mention her doing something to earn a profit, and these seem to be just an extension of what she is already doing for her family (such as making clothes), and certainly don’t seem to be exclusive of her children (she is not shipping them off to daycare!).

so, it seems it is possible for a mom to manage her household while earning an income from an outside source.  this does not negate the biblical mandate for men to provide for their families (1 timothy 5:8), and it is clear that her income is merely supplemental.

because of the nature of employment these days, namely that it IS exclusive of family and children, and does force women to shift their focus away from their home (often for many hours), as well as the fact that men should be the providers and not women, i believe that working outside the home should be the exception to the rule. this gives the most flexibility for being homeward focused in times of unexpected temporary or long-term need, such as when a child is sick, or if an elderly parent needs to be brought into the home for extra care.


the problem with exceptions to the rule is that everyone thinks that they are the exception.  if you truly value the role that a mother provides in discipling her children on a moment by moment basis and being feed up to help and serve her husband, it is unlikely that you will be asking about exceptions to the rule, except for in extenuating circumstances.

since most employment could potentially be a big distraction from managing your household and loving your children and husband, the big question- what is your motivation for working outside the home?  it is likely that the motivation could be a desire for more money or career success.

what if i have extra time in my day to fill?

some women feel that they have too much extra time on their hands once all their children are in school (or are starting to move out), which may cause them to work to fill their time.  this is a situation where work might not take away from your homeward responsibilities.  

however, there are many other ways you could potentially use your extra time wisely in ways that are flexible and continue to allow you to be there for your family and home responsibilities. i will offer some specific suggestions in case you are in this situation.  

• take in a foster child (heck, adopt one)! there are a half million children in the foster care system in the US, the majority of whom are in unloving and even abusive foster homes, an unseen epidemic that many people prefer to ignore.  taking in a foster child gives you an opportunity to be obedient to romans 12:13 and james 1:27, while having the opportunity to show jesus’ love to someone in need.  in the process, i guarantee that you will also experience major sanctification!

• volunteer somewhere! find an organization that fits your passion and give of your time.  this is a great way to build up your community and show jesus’ love to your neighbors, and as a volunteer you have lots of flexibility with how much time you devote to this activity.

• do ministry with your church! if you are involved at your church, i’m sure you can see a million places where the church needs extra help. but if you really cant figure out where you could help out, call your pastor.  any pastor would love to get a call: “i have too much time on my hands.  how can i bless the church with my talents?  i am willing to do even the most menial job”.  or just look around... who is a younger woman that you could build into?  read titus 2 for inspiration and get moving!

what if i could earn more than him? 

“husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” ephesians 5:25 

paul says that husbands are supposed to emulate jesus in their role.  this means that they are to lovingly sacrifice of themselves, leading their wives and children well while taking responsibility for the family. as we saw in genesis, the man’s burden is to work, even though it is laborious for him.  to switch roles is to go against God’s design for marriage, and it will lead to problems in some form or another.

less importantly but still of note, statistics show that women (even ones who are feminist leaning) are happiest when their husbands earn at least 2/3rds of the household income (source).  as i mentioned before, the bible should be our main decision input, but a statistic like this backs up what God already put into place as the ideal.

to put it a little more straight to the point:

what if i can work from home?  

working from home is certainly the best option if you must work.  but make sure your motives for working are right, and that it does not take away from your household management responsibilities and the discipleship of your children.

what if i don’t feel gifted in keeping the home?

maybe you burn something every time you step in the kitchen, or you shrink something every time you attempt to do laundry.  maybe you feel very inadequate at managing the household, and feel much more gifted at a career.

first of all, i would encourage you to focus on your strengths.  what are you good at?  maybe its something you feel is small or insignificant, but it still blesses your family.  maybe you are good at making bath time fun for your kids.  maybe you are good about remembering to pack your husband's lunch.  if you need to, ask your family about what areas you are best in at in your homemaking, and work on excelling still more in these areas. 

secondly, develop your weaknesses.  most likely you went to school for four or more years to train for your career.  you will likely also need training to become an effective household manager.

this may be easier than you think.  seek out other women who are strong in the area(s) you want to grow in.  ask them lots of questions and spend time with them.  see if you can do things with them (like cooking, sewing or gardening) to help you learn and grow in these specific skills.

  

the good news is, you will probably only improve from where you are at now, and maybe one day you will be the one to train another inexperienced homemaker.

and until then, there is always carry-out food and dry cleaners to help you out with your household responsibilities! :) 

ok, this has nothing to do with this blog topic... but too cute not to share!

what about you?  do you have any lingering thoughts or questions from this series so far?

go on to the next part...

passionate, joyful homemaking: what to do if you want to stay at home but your husband wants you to work?

some moms are in a situation where they truly want to work at keeping the home, but their husbands want them to work outside of the home.  what can they do in that case?

most importantly, pray about the situation.  pray for your husband’s heart to change.  pray for God to give you wisdom in how to address it.  pray that God would mercifully allow you to be a homeward focused mom.

after bathing it in prayer, talk about it with him.  show him the reasons you would think it is better for the family and for him for you to stay at home.  show him from the bible why you have this conviction.

address his concerns. most likely his reservation comes down to money.  show him how you could adjust your budget to make it possible.  be willing to sacrifice from your side of the budget, such as your clothes money, eating out, entertainment, etc.

if he is a christian, get your pastor involved.  it is always important to have a godly mediator in any dispute that comes to an impasse, but most especially a disagreement as big as this.  sometimes men respond better to other men than their wives.  hopefully, your pastor also has the biblical view that women should be homeward focused.

if your husband is not a christian, your next step is not clear cut.  pray about it and seek advice from wise other people in your life.  it could be that you should submit to him in order to be a godly example to him (1 Peter 1:3), but it could be that staying at home is a call from a higher authority (God) than your husband.  you may still benefit from a mediator, though your husband may want someone “neutral” like a family and marriage counselor, rather than a pastor. 

as a side note, this is one of the many reasons not to marry someone with a different heart faith.

also, avoid little boy larries like the plague:

go on to part six...

passionate, joyful homemaking: the pleasure/duty paradox

"when christ calls a man, He bids him come and die." 

-dietrich bonhoeffer, german theologian and martyr under the nazi regime (pictured above)

"our pleasure and our duty,

though opposite before, 

since we have seen his beauty,

are bound to part no more"

-john newton, former slave trader turned christian pastor (pictured above)

in this exploration of a mother's responsibility through the lens of christian spirituality, many have said something to the effect of "what if a mother really wants a career?"

this is a valid argument.  if you are looking through the lens of secular humanism (which is, in its own way, a type of spirituality).

by contrast, in christianity, there is an interesting paradox when it comes to desire.  sometimes, we must deny our surface desires to tap into a deeper, more satisfying desire, namely the desire to know Christ, see his beauty and serve him.

as bonhoeffer says, when christ calls a man, he bids him to come and die to these worldly, surface level desires.  why does he do this?  is God a kill joy?  more specifically, is God a cruel sexist for giving women the responsibility of keeping the home?

when you come from the perspective of believing that God created the world, created men and women, and specifically that he created each intricate part of you and i, it is not a great leap to think that he created us with a best purpose.  and from his Word, the Bible, it is clear that the best practice for a woman is to be homeward focused.  to step outside of this is dangerous, as it goes against how he created us.

but lest you think of this as enslaving, know with joy that "our pleasure and our duty/though opposite before/since we have seen his beauty/are bound to part no more".  when we walk in the way that He created us, it will bring true joy and fulfillment to ourselves and our families.  furthermore, if we are doing something, anything, just because it is duty, there is some disconnect between that duty and God, because anything done for Him should ultimately be a delight.

if you still have trouble believing this, you may need to take a step of faith in order to see and understand why he has given women the direction to be homeward-focused.  a precedent for this has been set.  when the israelites were putting their desires before God's purposes and withholding their tithes from Him, God said:

"bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. and thereby put me to the test, says the LORD of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need." malachi 3:10 

his mercy is amazing: he does not squash them for their disobedience, but instead woos his people and even promises to bless them when they finally do obey.


if you are walking in opposition to the biblical directions of being homeward focused, take a step of faith.  it could be that God will "open the windows of heaven and pour down a blessing [for you] until there is no more need".


go on to part five...