birthday thankfulness

today was my birthday.  i turned 27.  although [inadvertently] i have been telling people for about 6 months now that i am 27.  when you get this old [haha] the years start to blur a bit and i forgot what my true age was.  maybe its because i am one of the youngest moms i know, so my brain was telling me that i needed to be older.

though the enemy was trying to get me down a bit this morning, this turned out to be one of my favorite birthdays for the past several years.  august is usually a busy time for me/us, so its easy for me to brush by my birthday without much celebration [which is fine.  but sometimes its fun to do something special].  but today was nice.


alex and i went on a long bike ride to/along the beach, played crossword scrabble, stopped at starbucks to say hi to a friend who works there and ended up getting a free birthday frappuccino, got some free yogurtland fro yo, went swimming at a friend's pool (esther's 3rd time swimming this week, and last saturday was her first time ever.  she loves it!) and read a new book i got from the library about home schooling for a couple hours.

our little joyful girl, on a swing for the first time ever this weekend

but even better than doing fun things today, God really reminded me about His mercy in my life.  i have a loving, God-fearing husband.  i have a smily, joyful daughter.  we have a safe home.  we have 3 delicious meals each day.  God is a shield about me (psalm 3).  through the abundance of His steadfast love, i will not be cut off, but i will enter his house (psalm 5).  i have lived to see 27 years (i would guess that most people in the history of the world have not lived to this age, especially if you factor in miscarried babies).  i have an amazing church. i laid down last night and woke again this morning, for the Lord sustained me (psalm 3).  He has showed me that there is a God (psalm 10) and i worship that God, and have true life through him.

and i haven't even checked my 2834 birthday wishes on facebook, reminders of the many friends God has blessed me with (and also those people i haven't talked to since high school who are also wishing me a happy bday :P ).


"you have put more joy into my heart than they have when their wine and grain abound" psalm 4:7

learning from our first round of parenting

i consider our year with our first four foster kiddos to be a testing ground for parenthood.  we learned a lot.  i am thankful for that time because one of the results is that i have been able to think through what went well with them and what didn't go well, and what i will change for the future.

some of the changes i would like to make have been on my mind this week.  they include:

memorizing more scripture and singing more jesus-centered songs, especially hymns.  we did both of these thing with our four foster kiddos, but it could have been a WAY bigger focus than it was. it breaks my heart to think that if we had done things differently, they might have gone back to their birth mom with LOTS of scripture written on their hearts.  with esther i now make it a point to sing hymns and recite scripture while i change her diaper (and at various other points during the day).  i want these to be the first words that are on her heart, and some of the first things she learns to say.  the added bonus is that reciting helps me to keep memorized scripture ingrained on my heart and mind (it is too easy to memorize scripture and then forget it soon after), and helps keep my focus on jesus and the gospel throughout the day.

think that toddlers can't memorize scripture?  think again.  watch this cool video of a toddler reciting psalm 23:

handling disobedience. too much of my parenting was influenced by my work as a behavior therapist for kids with autism, which i did for about a year before becoming a mom.  it was easy for me to handle disobedience from a behavioral psychology standpoint (how do i fix this behavior?), rather than focusing on the heart, the root of all disobedience.  something i would like to change in handling this when it comes up is to pray with and for my children when they disobey (i did this occasionally with the older two boys, but not nearly as much as i wish i would have).

i also want to help them to see what is going on in their hearts when this happens.  for example, when they are fighting over toys, instead of "solving" the problem by making them take turns (we used to set a timer and have them switch back and forth) i would want to help them see the selfishness overflowing from their heart, resulting in their lack of desire to share.

working on heart issues takes a lot more time and energy than just teaching them (or forcing them) to behave "correctly".  working on the heart also paves the way for the gospel to infect their hearts and do the true, deep work that will lead to real life change and actions that are truly honoring to jesus.


teaching chores early. not only does teaching kids to do chores at an early age help them take responsibility, it will also help things run in the house more smoothly (especially important if you plan to have a big family, as we are).  furthermore, it helps teach them life skills and even gross/fine motor skills.  many parents buy toys to help their children learn certain skills (for example, sorting) when typical chores could teach this (for example, putting away silverware).

the problem with teaching chores (and the reason i didn't do it nearly enough before) is that it takes time.  i am too focused on efficiency, and getting things done quickly, which means doing things myself. the problem is that i failed to see how i would be saving time over all (as well as loving my children well) by teaching them to do things around the house.  here is a good list of suggestions for basic chores that children as young as 18 months old can do.

one chore that i was good about having them do: pick up their own toys!  i really miss having kids who can pick up their own toys, especially with hurricane esther doing her thing in the living room every day :P


by God's grace (and not our own wisdom/knowledge) i think we did a lot of things well with our previous four children.  but i am praying that God really strengthens us and improves our parenting in the ways i mentioned above.

and may He get all the glory!

tips for feeding a crowd

ever since i learned how to cook and bake on my own, i have loved making food for others.  in high school i would make cookies and bring them to school to share with my friends.  in college i would have friends over for dinner at least weekly.

my senior year of college i stepped up the game and started hosting a dinner every friday that 15-30 people attended.  when i worked as a missionary in germany for a year i was in charge of food for one of our conferences of about 100 people.  for a while we had four foster kids plus my mom in the house, which meant making breakfast, lunch and dinner for seven people on a daily basis.  more recently, i make dinner almost every week for our community group (about 10 people) and lunch after church (5-10 people, depending on the week).

needless to say, i love hosting and i would certainly say that it is a strength of mine.  not only do i love feeding people delicious and healthy food, but i love the connections that people make over meals.  i love discussing theology, life, economics, politics and hardships, and it seems like this happens so naturally over a good meal.

because of this, i encourage more people to host others for meals.  and the more the merrier, which is why i have come up with some tips for feeding a crowd.

keep it simple.  when i first started hosting, i would try new recipes and make elaborate meals.  but this can lead to weird meals (when you try out a new recipe on someone) and added stress.  now i try to keep it simple, especially when i am cooking for more than a few others.  i usually just make one main dish (something i am familiar with and make often) and sometimes a side dish to go with it (often the side dish is either something i made ahead of time or something quick to put together, like cut up fruit or a salad).  things like soup or casseroles are easy to make in large quantities, and they don't have to be eaten as soon as they are ready (when you invite lots of people over, someone is bound to be running late).  sometimes i make a dessert when we have others over, but certainly not all of the time, and especially not if i am feeling crunched for time.

make more food than you think you need.  i can't tell you how many times i thought that i made way too much food and later found that it was just enough.  furthermore, making extra food gives you the flexibility to invite someone over last minute.  if you happen to have more leftovers than you think your family could finish, you can always give some to one of your guests to take home (single guys in particular will rarely turn you down on this!).

ask for and accept help. this one is difficult for me and i have had to learn this the hard way.  it is prideful and dishonoring to God to try to be a superwoman who does it all.  when people ask what they can get to contribute to the meal, take them up on the offer.  when they arrive and ask to help, think of something for them to do, even if its just setting the table.  this will lighten your load and give them ownership of the meal they are about to enjoy (and help appreciate the work that went into it).

prepare as much as possible ahead of time.  things like dessert, salad, or side dishes can usually be made the night before.  sometimes i even chop veggies a few hours before the meal so that when it is time to cook, all i have to do is add ingredients to the pot/pan, rather than try to rush around chopping as i am adding things in.

keep convenience foods on hand.  this is helpful in case you realize last minute that you didn't make enough food, or if several people show up unexpectedly (this happens a lot when you have a lot open-invite events like we do).  even though i am really into cooking from scratch (for health and for cost reasons), i try to keep a few convenience foods on hand, such as mac n cheese and some canned goods.  its harder to keep homemade convenience foods on hand (since they tend to spoil unlike preservative-filled store bought packaged foods).  but i do try to keep homemade crackers around (since they can last for weeks without going bad), and i also keep the freezer filled with things like biscuits that i can pop in the oven to heat up last minute if need be.

plan ahead.  at the beginning of every week, i sit down and write out a meal plan for the week.  though i am generally a planner, i actually don't enjoy meal planning and i usually have to force myself to do it (because i am always happy to have the meal plan after i have done the work to plan it out).  this helps me to make sure that i have all the ingredients on hand that i need for various meals.  since i make so much from scratch, i will sometimes need to start something the night before for the next day's dinner (for example soaking dry beans or making bread dough).  this will also help you to plan out what you can make ahead of time (dessert, salad, etc).  furthermore, you will know what to tell people to bring when they offer.

remember jesus.  he fed thousands of people with a few fishes and loaves, and he can easily stretch your food for a couple extra people too.  sometimes i get stressed out when we have just barely enough food, and then i find out that one or two extra people are coming that i didn't expect.  it is helpful to remember that when you are hosting people in order to honor jesus, he will gladly provide enough food. we have always had enough food for people that we have hosted, even when it seemed impossible (jesus is in the business of doing miracles, and he has done way bigger ones than provide enough food for a few extra people).  if need be, i serve myself last and take a small portion to make sure everyone gets enough, knowing that i can always eat more of something else after they leave if i didn't get enough for myself.

have flexibility and a sense of humor. this is vital in any type of ministry that you do.  people might come late, forget to bring something they promised to bring, bring something weird to contribute that doesn't go with the meal that you prepared, or show up unexpected/uninvited.  at these times it is important to remember that you are hosting to honor jesus and help people have a good time, and they don't need your critical/judgmental comments when they mess up your "plan" (and your "plan" isn't as great as you envisioned it anyways!).  and since you can't develop these things in yourself on your own, you will need to ask jesus to give you the flexibility and sense of humor.


what hosting tips do you have to share?

frugal wedding series update

its been humbling and encouraging to hear all of the feedback that i have gotten from my frugal wedding series from a few years ago.  i still send it to all of my friends when they get engaged :)  and the post from the series remain some of the top read posts i have ever written.

the reason that i am most encouraged for the positive feedback from my writings is because so many people are rethinking the american norm for what a wedding should be like.  there is no inherently right or wrong way to have a wedding (the bible doesn't give any commands as to what a wedding should be like).  you could have a $500,000 wedding and honor God.  you could have a $1,000 wedding and be very self-centered.  the cost might not distract from jesus as the center, but often times it does, especially when we do weddings the same way everyone else does (spend more! do more! get more!) because that is what we are told that we are supposed to do.

anyways, i recently made a discovery, which i wanted to share with you all, another idea for how to save money on a wedding dress.  a friend of mine is getting married next year and we are ordering our bridesmaid dresses from etsy.  the dresses we are getting are going to be custom made to our specific measurements, plus we get to choose the fabric color we want and they are going to only cost $80 a piece.  that a pretty good price for a bridesmaids dress, especially one that (should) fit perfectly.

i was poking around on etsy and i found some really good prices on wedding dresses.  casual, tea length dresses started at under $100 (if i had to do it again i think i would have worn this kind of a dress), and full length, more formal dresses started at $150.  one of the reasons that dress prices were so high for years is that there was a limited number of places to buy dresses, and they could keep the prices artificially high.  now etsy is opening up the market to tons more dress makers, and the added bonus is that you get the personal touch of someone hand making a dress just for you (and you are in turn supporting a small business).


do you know someone who is planning a wedding or soon to be engaged?  send them a link to my series to help them get the right foundation for their wedding, with useful tips to keep costs low.

breastfeeding as sacrifice of our bodies

[this is a piece that i wrote for an open mic night i went to this past weekend on the topic of breastfeeding.  i was humbled to hear the stories of massive sacrifice that other women have made in order to give their babies the best milk.  in comparison, my sacrifices seem trivial. but they are sacrifices none the less.]

"motherhood is a demanding job. it is so demanding and intrusive, in fact, that it takes over your body. it uses your body, oftentimes rather roughly... [but] our bodies are tools, not treasures.  you should not spend your days trying to preserve your body in its eighteen-year-old form.  let it be used.  by the time you die, you want to have a very dinged and dinted body.  motherhood uses your body in the way that God designed it to be used.  those are the right kind of damages."  -rachel jankovic, "loving the little years"

"for to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps... He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree that we might die to sin and live to righteousness.  by his wounds you have been healed." 1 peter 2:21, 24

motherhood in general and breast feeding in particular involve a lot of sacrifice to our bodies.  that is why many in the world discourage breast feeding by saying:

• you need to stay beautiful.  you don't want lopsided or saggy breasts do you?  don't breastfeed so that you can preserve your good looks.
• breastfeeding interferes with "you" time. you can't leave your baby to do all those really important things for yourself like getting your nails done and going shopping.  don't breastfeed so that you can keep yourself as your #1 priority.  
• your baby now has teeth and is biting you while nursing? you don't have to go through that.  time to wean her!!

and i am tempted to believe these things and demand my rights.

but for me, there is a different story that influences my life and empowers me to sacrifice even when its hard.  i want to share some of that story and how it has affected me.

this story starts with a creator.  he created the stars and the sky and the world and animals and people.  and he created women.  and when he created women he equipped our bodies with amazing capabilities to bear and raise children.

though he poured out his love and good gifts on his creation, they turned from him and chose their own way.  this turning brought about a curse on the world which ushered in pain, death, natural disasters, sickness and broken relationships.  furthermore, the beautiful gift of motherhood became difficult, painful, and even dangerous at times.

he could have kept his distance and stayed in heaven, but instead he entered into the pain and difficulty of the earth with a human body.

and though he lived a perfectly loving and sinless life, his love was offensive and he was sentenced to death.  his body endured torture, crucifixion and death in order to take on the sin of the world and restore his people into a right relationship with their creator.

this is the story that motivates me and empowers me to sacrifice.  knowing that jesus gave his body for me helps me to give my body over joyfully for my children.  so, i can breastfeed on demand, pump milk in odd places, wake up as 1am, 2am, 3am to nurse, endure engorgement and blocked milk ducts, and get painfully bitten on a daily basis with joy knowing that my sacrifice honors and is empowered by the one who made the ultimate sacrifice of his body.

moreover, i can do it because i am not living for the quickly passing mist that is this life, but i am now living and sacrificing for life eternal.

i will end with a quote that i really love, one that encourages me greatly in motherhood:

"so we do not lose heart.  though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day.  for this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory that far surpasses them all, as we look not to the things that are seen but the things that are unseen.  for the things that are seen are temporary, but the things that are unseen are eternal"  2 corinthians 4:16-18



 [i would also encourage you to read my friend melissa's story of sacrifice to give her son the best milk.  also, thanks to my hubby alex for helping me to edit and refine my piece.  i'm sure it could still use some improvements, but considering how long i procrastinated in writing it, i was thankful for his help to make it turn out well]

city girl, country girl

do you ever think about what your life will look like in five years?

i think about this all the time.  probably because it is so uncertain what the future hold for us.

the only thing that IS certain is that our lives will most likely look very different from how they look now.  alex, esther and i (and any other children we will have by then) will almost definitely (hopefully!) be in another country doing mission work. between now and then, we have the big decision of what country we will choose to live in.

but the bigger question (in my mind) is this: will we live in the city or a rural area?

ministry wise, there are many advantages to big cities.  over half of the world's population now lives in major cities, and the numbers are growing (although some believe that this will eventually shrink again at some point).  cities are strategic: reach a city with the good new of jesus, and you will reach the surrounding region.  paul and the apostles knew this, which was why they targeted major cities for their ministry work, including rome, jerusalem, ephesus, galatia, thessalonica, etc.  cities often have large concentrations of people living in need, with opportunities abounding for doing things like loving on orphans (one of the things we could see ourselves doing overseas).

on a personal level, there are many reasons why i would love to live in a major city.  i have always lived in cities, and for most of my time since graduating i have lived in major cities (berlin and the LA metro area).  one of the things i love about cities is that you can easily walk to places you need to go, such as parks or the store for errands.  cities also tend to have pretty good public transportation, which i like to use.  in cities there is always so much going on, and so many options for how to spend your time. alex and i love to go to coffee shops, and with the advent of starbucks, i would guess that every major city in the world now has multiple cafes/coffee shops.  furthermore, though we continue to pray for esther's healing, we may need to live in a major city (or at least near one) so that she can get the medical care she needs, unless God chooses to heal her before we go overseas.


but the other side of my heart sees us living in a more rural area.

ministry wise, rural areas are important to reach in addition to cities.  many missionaries are willing to live in major cities, which usually have modern/western amenities and a fairly high standard of living.  but rural areas often don't have these things, and day to day living is harder.  God has brought us through many things that i could see making us more fit for flourishing in this kind of lifestyle than others might.  in addition, many of the world's unreached peoples are in rural area.  the lack of education in these areas make them a great place to do poverty alleviation type ministries, which is an open door to also teaching about the gospel.

on a personal level, there are many reasons that i could see us living in a rural area.  currently we own chickens, and hope to get goats eventually and maybe other animals.  growing our own food is also a priority for us.  these things are difficult or even impossible to do in cities, but are possible and even sometimes necessary in the countryside.  furthermore, part of me would love to get away from all the pollution/noise/people that fill up cities.  since i desire to live frugally and healthfully, i already make most of our food from scratch, and make homemade cleaning products and health/beauty products.  certain aspects of living in a remote area would be easy for us to transition into (though i am sure aspects of it would be very hard as well.)


i feel like i am in a good spot.  i am open to where God leads us, and i realize that either way He leads us, there will be sacrifice involved (though He will also lavish his grace on us and give us things that we want as well).

in the next year we are hoping to take trips to mexico city and the philippines, and possibly even india to start getting a better idea of where we might end up.  hopefully by this time next year we will have more clarity about our future.

six months of chickens: the good, the bad and the ugly

our chickens turn six months old in a couple days.  happy birthday chickens!

at the beginning of february, they looked like this:

now they look like this:

[this isn't a pic of our actual chickens but they look pretty much the same as this]

i have been doing a little bit of reflecting on our chicken experience thus far, and i want to share what it has been like.

::the good::


so far, i am *loving* having chickens.  they are entertaining little critters, poking around in the back yard and following each other around.  they are rarely in different parts of the yard and almost always stick together.  i love looking out the back window and seeing them peck around in the grass.

they started laying eggs about a month ago which is so exciting!  they are finally paying their rent, haha! right now we are getting 2-3 small to medium sized eggs per day.  the eggs will get larger as the chickens mature.  the yolks are a dark yellow, almost and orange (the darker color indiactes that they are higher in vitamins, especially vitamins a and d.  here is a great article about the significant nutritional differences between pastured eggs and caged eggs).  when you crack them open in a bowl next to a store-bought egg, the difference is obvious.  making meals with eggs from our own chicken eggs makes me so happy :)

we tell everyone that they are in the chicken 1% in america.


::the bad::

we've never had a super healthy lawn in the back yard, and now that its summer and the grass is mostly dead, the chickens have been doing a number on it :/  also, i haven't been able to plant flowers in my back yard gardens because they are constantly scratching up the dirt for their dirt baths.  because of these reasons, i recently had to build a fenced in run area for them (i still let them out 2-3 times per week to roam the yard).  my heart is breaking!  i miss seeing them peck around the grass.  after it starts raining again and our grass is growing again, i will let them out more, probably every day or so.  but for now, especially since we are renters and want to respect our landlord's property, they will stay in their run (which is actually a pretty big area.  i would guess its about 25' x 5'. they certainly aren't crowded. its just not as much space as the whole yard).  right now we are having issues with them breaking out, but hopefully i will have their fence fully secured soon.

we've also been having some problems with their nests.  for a while, one wasn't laying in the nests (but i think that is resolved now).  we are also having a problems that an unusually high number of eggs are getting cracked, even though i check the nesting boxes several times per day, so there shouldn't be that much time for them to break.  another issue is that the chickens keep knocking over the boxes i have inside the nesting area, so i need to figure out a way to secure the area better.  none of these are huge problems, just little obstacles to get around along the way.

::the ugly::

one thing i was not anticipating when we got them was all the chicken poo they would produce and the flies it attracts.  unfortunately, since its summer, flies are at their peak right now anyways (and i've noticed lots of flies in other people's gardens/yards, so i know its not completely the fault of our chickens).

the chicken poo wouldn't be too bad if it wasn't for the fact that i host a bootcamp for other moms twice a week in our back yard, so i always have to make sure it gets cleaned up before they come over (the babies play in the grass, hence the need for it to be clean).  another issue is that the chickens (before the fence went up) would sit at the back door (i guess they really like us or something) and leave many piles right on our back door step (thanks, ladies!).

i frequently clean up the poo (by spraying it with the hose) to keep the flies away and i also got a fly trap.  man, that thing smells!! our chicken coop doesn't smell at all, but that thing reeks!  you can smell it from like 10 feet away.  it smells like rotten eggs, because it actually does have rotten eggs in it (that attracts the flies).  there are always flies in it, but there are still tons more flies in the yard.  which also mean more flies in our house :/



over all, i am learning why chickens are a farm animal and not a city animal.  if we lived on a farm, flies and poo wouldn't really bother me.  plus, we would have plenty of space to let them roam and them scratching in my gardens wouldn't be as much of an issue.  but out of respect for our landlords, neighbors and friends who come over, it takes extra effort to make sure our back yard looks nice (though i will never live up to the super high yard standards of southern california).

so there you have it: the good, the bad and the ugly of our chicken experience so far.