i have been meaning to write an update on what is happening with baby girl for a while, so here goes.
first of all, some may be wondering (and a few have asked) whatever happened to the whole issue with giving her breastmilk. very long story short, we got permission a week or two after i wrote that post, for which i am very thankful. a couple times it was threatened to rescind the permission but that hasn't happened, so she continues to get the best milk.
things are moving towards reunification with her mom. though we strongly want to adopt, in this situation we are happy and hopeful for the reunification. in early december there was a court date in which it was supposed to happen, but the judge didn't rule for it. the next hearing is in early february. we'll see what happens then (i would say reunification is likely but nothing surprises me in the foster care system).
she has always been fussy but the past few weeks its has really escalated. we haven't figured out why (could be personality, could be related to the reasons she is in foster care, could be lots of other random things). there isn't one thing that helps with fussiness so we go through an endless cycle of trying different things to make her happy. this has been hard. not only is it really difficult to listen to her crying (especially when you don't know why its happening) but its made it hard to get anything else done while she's awake... hence the endless piles of dishes in our house and eternal mess and clutter that i have been unable to cut through for the past few weeks.
sometimes i wonder if its a waste of time to try to soothe/comfort her fussiness since it sometimes (often?) doesn't even work. sometimes i am tempted to be bitter about spending hours soothing someone else's baby (especially when the cause of that fussiness might be related to someone else's bad decisions). one thing that has helped me to be more sacrificial was a sermon i listened to recently. in it doug wilson mentioned that any gift given in the right way is a gift given to jesus (matthew 25). it helps to remember that rocking her, patting her bottom, shushing her and other soothing actions are all gifts given to jesus, and not just to baby girl.
as she is about 3.5 months old now, she is starting to have a bit more personality. when she isn't fussy she has an array of cute noises and coos, and i can even get her to laugh from time to time. she is starting to reach out for toys and roll over and all those other normal 3 month old things. its especially fun for me to see her interact a bit with esther (from her end its mostly just looking at esther, esther's end of things ranges from fingers in baby's mouth to patting her on the back when she is crying).
so thats about it. the day to day is just normal motherhood, until you have to drive to and monitor a
visit or wonder if your plans in february should include one or two babies or talk to yet another social worker... and at those times the best thing i have found is to keep in mind the why behind our sacrifices.