Friday, December 28, 2012

update on baby girl

i have been meaning to write an update on what is happening with baby girl for a while, so here goes.
'TOY LUCINAO!' photo (c) 2007, JORGE RAVINES - license:
this isn't a pic of baby girl, but similar to what she looks like so that you have a visual :)

first of all, some may be wondering (and a few have asked) whatever happened to the whole issue with giving her breastmilk. very long story short, we got permission a week or two after i wrote that post, for which i am very thankful.  a couple times it was threatened to rescind the permission but that hasn't happened, so she continues to get the best milk.

things are moving towards reunification with her mom.  though we strongly want to adopt, in this situation we are happy and hopeful for the reunification.  in early december there was a court date in which it was supposed to happen, but the judge didn't rule for it.  the next hearing is in early february.  we'll see what happens then (i would say reunification is likely but nothing surprises me in the foster care system).

she has always been fussy but the past few weeks its has really escalated.  we haven't figured out why (could be personality, could be related to the reasons she is in foster care, could be lots of other random things).  there isn't one thing that helps with fussiness so we go through an endless cycle of trying different things to make her happy.  this has been hard. not only is it really difficult to listen to her crying (especially when you don't know why its happening) but its made it hard to get anything else done while she's awake... hence the endless piles of dishes in our house and eternal mess and clutter that i have been unable to cut through for the past few weeks.

sometimes i wonder if its a waste of time to try to soothe/comfort her fussiness since it sometimes (often?) doesn't even work.  sometimes i am tempted to be bitter about spending hours soothing someone else's baby (especially when the cause of that fussiness might be related to someone else's bad decisions).  one thing that has helped me to be more sacrificial was a sermon i listened to recently.  in it doug wilson mentioned that any gift given in the right way is a gift given to jesus (matthew 25).  it helps to remember that rocking her, patting her bottom, shushing her and other soothing actions are all gifts given to jesus, and not just to baby girl.

as she is about 3.5 months old now, she is starting to have a bit more personality.  when she isn't fussy she has an array of cute noises and coos, and i can even get her to laugh from time to time.  she is starting to reach out for toys and roll over and all those other normal 3 month old things.  its especially fun for me to see her interact a bit with esther (from her end its mostly just looking at esther, esther's end of things ranges from fingers in baby's mouth to patting her on the back when she is crying).

so thats about it.  the day to day is just normal motherhood, until you have to drive to and monitor a
visit or wonder if your plans in february should include one or two babies or talk to yet another social worker... and at those times the best thing i have found is to keep in mind the why behind our sacrifices.


  1. Hello -- have you considered homemade baby formula with raw grass-fed milk? When a baby is fussy, something is wrong. This is not the natural state babies should be in and should be an alert.

    My baby was extremely fussy - my diet was terrible so my breastmilk was not fatty enough and the pregnancy and marriage relationship were both very stressful too (80 work week job that I quit when 7 months pregnant, new marriage, new country, bad advice, etc, etc)

    My baby was also born in London and they have well baby signs everywhere that ask new mothers with fussy babies: 1) was the pregnancy stressful? 2) was the birth process stressful (not natural)? and/or 3) is the parent's relationship/home environment stressful?

    One or all of these things can cause a colicky baby. High cortisol levels secreted by stressed mom while baby is in utero, effects the nervous system of the baby.

    Also -- so do vaccines - esp if baby was born with poor gut flora, had stressful pregnancy, bypassed the birth canal, and never had any probiotic rich breast milk to strengthen immune system / gut flora.

    I would also like to add that the quality of mother's breast milk will effect the baby's fussiness as well. And formula often contributes to constipation, gas, and is hard to digest and toxic - even organic.

    I had a very fussy baby too and was always encouraged to 'top off' with formula and not sleep with her but to 'let her cry it out'. When I finally threw that awful advice out the window (age 6 months) she was a much happier baby and I was a much happier mommy!

    I understand you are not allowed not nurse, but homemade formula will always be better than any processed store formula and sometimes even breast milk (esp if the mother does not have a good diet).

    My extremly fussy and colicky baby became such a happy, bright baby that strangers everywhere would comment about it. It is all thanks to the Weston A Price Foundation on nourishing wisdom. Sally Fallon - finally - has a book coming out soon about baby care. In the meantime, her book Nourishing Traditions is highly recommended -- there is a chapter in there about feeding babies.

    Here is a Weston A Price link to making your own baby formula with a video:

    They also have info on their site about sourcing raw milk via local chapters leaders

    My child is now 5 1/2 years old and has never needed antibiotics, etc. She never gets sick. I am sure it is because of the WAPF advice: raw butter, fermented cod liver oil, bone broths, raw milk, cultured veggies, no vaccines.

    Peace and blessings

    1. actually we are able to give her breastmilk. :)if we couldn't give breastmilk we would consider homemade formula, i am familiar with the recipe (actually i have made it before, for another foster baby). i am not concerned about the quality of my milk since i do eat a healthy diet.

      as for your questions about stress, yes, of course her time in utero and the birth were stressful. that is why she is in the foster care system and not with her family. we are aware that these are probably contributing factors to her fussiness.

      as for vaccines, we have no control over it :( if it was up to us she wouldn't have any (well, maybe just hep b as she is at risk for it).

      our 15 m/o biological daughter is still breast fed and eats a WAPF diet. i hope that she will also never need antibiotics! :)