Monday, May 9, 2011

tomorrow is the day....

"the king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD;
   he turns it wherever he will."  proverbs 21:1

if i didn't believe in God's sovereignty in all things, i think i would be going nuts right now.  tomorrow is the court date for the kids, where the judge will most likely rule that the kids will go back with their mom.  if so, we will be driving them there on wednesday, possibly never to see them again.

but the judge's heart is a stream of water in the hands of the Lord.  God will turn it where he will.

the thought of them going home is a bittersweet one...  on one hand i relish the thought of free time, sleeping in, relaxing, allowing my brain to unwind, not having to deal with their crazy behavior of recent and having much less housework to do.  on the other hand, we already have had a taste of what their life will be like, and it is not something i want for them.  i *know* that they would have a much better life with us... but that might not be God's ultimate desire for them.  he may have a better plan to bring them through lots of hardship.  in the past month or two i have grown much deeper in my attachment to the younger two, especially to lovely girl (to whom i am her "real" mom as far as she is concerned, she has spent two-thirds of her life with us) and i so want to be their forever mommy...

but i have a desire deeper than being their forever mommy... the desire that they would know Christ, delight in Him, treasure Him, love Him... and maybe God will choose to do that through a very rough life where his gift of grace and promise of new life will seem that much sweeter than if they grew up in a loving, nourishing, emotionally fulfilling home.

i have no idea what their future hold, but i rejoice that i can pray for them, and continue to affect them even if they are not living with us.

please take a minute to pray for all four of our foster kids.  pray that they would come to know Christ.  pray that God would turn the judge's heart tomorrow to make a decision that will ultimately lead them to know Him.

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