You have wearied the Lord with your words.

You have wearied the Lord with your words. But you say, "How have we wearied him?" By saying, "Everyone who does evil is good in the sight of the Lord, and he delights in them." Or by asking "Where is the God of justice?"

Malachai 2:17

Passages like this remind me that there is no new sin under the sun.  This was written about 2500 years ago, but it feels like it could have been written yesterday.  

Malachi writes that the Lord is wearied by people saying things like, 

"Everyone who does evil is good in the sight of the Lord, and he delights in them."  Doesn't this sound familiar?  Our society has come to tolerate, even embrace, every form of sin.  And many so called pastors have follow society into this sin (and maybe they have even led us into it) by claiming that God delights in so many who live in open rebellion to Him.

The second statement rings true as well.  It is not common these days to hear people say "Where was God when ___?"  Fill in the blank with "my dad was killed in a car accident", "the 9/11 attacks happened" or some other horrible tragedy.  People don't think that God is real (or if he is, that he is not just) because he allows bad things to happen, seemingly unpunished.  However, the Bible makes it clear that God is sovereign over all things, good AND bad, and that all evil will judged one day (though not always in our timing).

Be careful not to follow our society in making these kind of statements about God.  Words like these weary the Lord, and "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God"  (Heb. 10:31).

Springtime in our Home

Springtime has seen our home grow more full, in more ways than one.

Most literally, our home is fuller by the addition of baby Zion Ezekiel, born in March.  For the first few weeks he started out as a fussy baby, but since then he has decided that the world is not such a bad place after all, and he is generally quite calm.  He started smiling a few weeks ago, and since then is a delight to tickle and coo over and play with.  He sleeps really well as long as he is in his bed.  In fact, he sleeps so well that for almost a week now he has slept solid 11-12 hour nights without waking!  I'm not saying this to brag, I'm saying this because I am shocked.  Hudson didn't start consistently sleeping all night until a few months ago.  I have heard other people saying they have two month olds sleep all night but I didn't know that could happen in like, you know, real life.  This is probably the most nights I have slept all night without being woken up since Hudson was born.  It's very good to sleep.

Alex calls him smiley Ziony.  It
kinda rhymes.  Kinda.

Our lives have also become more full with the reopening of the community garden.  Right now, I am going to the garden several days a week, working mostly on planting and weeding at this point.  I am hoping things calm down once summer comes, but of course there is always more to be done!  We have already harvested radishes, lettuce and basil (for this year's first batch of pesto- yum!  And it's not even summer yet!).

Our home (or at least our garage!) is more full right now as we got 32 chicks in the mail about a week ago.  Half are meat birds, and the other half will be layers.  We ordered enough chicks that our hatchery threw in a free rare breed chick.  Based on the look of the chick, something like this:

 We are guessing it is a white crested black polish chicken, which as an adult, should look something like this:

I was pretty much giddy when I saw this pic.  I can't wait to have a chicken walking around in our yard that looks like that!

The Weak Mother

It was another one of those days.  Operating on entirely too little sleep, the morning was busy, the toddler was whiny, the baby was fussy and sleeping less than usual.  The to-do list was long, and seemingly nothing was getting accomplished.

When the kids all finally made it to nap time, I got to my baking.  As I stirred the cookie dough, my mind turned over with the usual questions.  Am I disciplining the kids too much?  Or too little?  Maybe they aren't sleeping enough.  Should I put them to bed sooner? Should I let the baby cry more?  Less? Am I spending enough time with the kids?  Am I making enough time to do school with our oldest?  Are they getting too much free play time or is all the play time a good thing? Am I cooking healthy enough or is it all too healthy?  Do they have too many vaccines or too few?  Do I spend too much time cleaning the house or too little?  Am I reaching out enough to people who don't know Jesus or do I need to focus on our kids more?  Am I talking to them about their sin enough?  Am I talking to them about my sin enough?  Am I sharing the gospel with them enough?  Am I showing enough grace?  Will they ever become Christians?

And on and on my thoughts rolled onto a thousand topics, never feeling settled about a single one.  My mind searched my knowledge of the Bible, looking for a verse or two to comfort me that I am doing the best I can, and that it is good enough for God.

But such a verse was not coming.

But God in his kindness, did point me to something in His word.  "My power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Maybe sometimes its good to be a strong mom.  But I find that in my weakness, I depend on God more.  I pray for wisdom on naptimes and bedtimes and meal plans and school plans.  I pray for help to repent of sin in front of my kids.  Most importantly, I pray for God to save them.

In reality, we are all weak moms, but only some of us realize it.  And seeing our weakness opens up room for God to give us His power.  And there is no other power on which I would rather depend.

Home birth and hospital birth: my (hopefully non-controversial) experiences with both

Back when I was pregnant with Esther, I did lots of reading on birth and birth styles.  The conclusion I came to was that the best choice for her and for me would be to have an unmedicated home birth.  However, our insurance situation at the time was such that only a hospital birth was covered, which for financial reasons was the route we decided to go.  Fortunately we had a good midwife, and though our hospital stay wasn't the best (though not terrible) it was short and manageable, and we were able to give birth unmedicated.

Fast forward to Hudson.  Same story with insurance, and a move led us to a new midwife and new hospital.  I really liked our new midwife and this new hospital was certified baby friendly, which made for a much better experience.  In fact, I would even say I enjoyed our hospital stay.

This time when I got pregnant, two things changed: we were now with Samaritan Ministries, which "shares" home birth at 100% (it's not considered insurance, so you can't say "covers" but pretty much the same idea), and my midwife was in the process of moving to a new city.  So this time around the hospital would cost more, and our midwife would not be able to attend.  Though I like my OB, I would prefer a midwife and I don't think there are any other hospital based midwives in our town (and the other upside to my previous midwife is that she was in the same office as my OB).

Long story short, after talking to a lot of people and weighing our options, we settled on a home birth.  It wasn't an easy decision like it would have been with a previous birth, this time I felt that there were some legitimate upsides to the hospital, but in the end I wanted to at least try a home birth so that I could know what it is like.

Right away, I was happy about our decision.  The two biggest reasons were that I really liked the midwife we chose and because having prenatal appointments at home made life so much easier.  I didn't have to find a sitter or even carve out that much time from my day.  The visits lasted about 45 minutes and I didn't have to drive anywhere or wait in a waiting room.  My midwife would even include the kids in on the exam as helpers which they enjoyed and provided them with a learning opportunity.  Another upside is that the whole appointment was face time with my midwife, which allowed for plenty of time for questions and conversation about life and pregnancy.  I would probably say that the prenatal visits were the biggest upside of the home birth experience for me.

When it came to the birth, the biggest upside was not having to make the transition to the hospital.  We now live 15 minutes from our hospital, which isn't the terrible one-hour drive we had with Esther but certainly not the very easy less than 5 minute drive we had with Hudson.  Even a five minute drive isn't fun because there is the decision of when exactly to leave, which for me is as close as possible to the birth without being too late.  In all honesty, the way things went this time I might have had the baby in the car.


Since it was a home birth, my midwife came when contractions were still relatively easy (which ended up being about 2 hours before the actual birth), as she knows my history of fast births.  This is different than hospital midwives who want to come after you are ready to push.  The problem with that for me is that by time I am ready to push, the baby is minutes from being born.  I was worried about feeling like a watched pot with her there, but she mostly laid low in a different room while I labored, only coming to check the baby's heart tones every half hour or so, meanwhile getting everything set up for the birth.  And in the end, Zion came fast enough that even her assistant didn't make it in time, so we all agreed that it was good that she came early when things were still easy.

I also really appreciated that right after the birth, I could crawl into bed, my bed.  And that first night, I didn't have to sleep across the room from my husband, knowing that he was getting a terrible night's sleep.  Instead we were all snuggled up in bed together.  I loved it.

There are some things that are more convenient in the hospital: a closer bathroom, a bed that sits up at the push of a button and the nice rolling table that sits your food, book or computer right in front of you while you lay in bed.  I also didn't love having to take mine and my baby's vitals by myself (my midwife did a check right after birth, at 24 hours and at 3 days, but in between those checks it was up to us).  They weren't necessarily difficult but its just more reassuring when someone else is doing them.

So what will we do in the future?  All things considered, home birth seems like the better option for us.  In a number of ways, it is easier, especially as our family grows, and especially given my history of relatively fast deliveries.  However, if there is ever a compelling reason to have a hospital birth, that will be a fine option for us as well.

Zion's birth story

I woke up at 6am on Friday March 18 with regular, mild contractions that were maybe 5 or 10 minutes apart.  I dozed off in between each but after about an hour I realized I was probably in labor and decided to get up and get my day started.  Things continued to progress and I lost my mucus plug, but then the kids woke up.  And when they got up my brain was like "Hey, I can't have this baby now, I have a life to live!"  We already had plans for free breakfast at Chick-fil-a and a morning full of errands.  With my mind on other things, my contractions slowed down significantly.  I called my midwife and updated her and she said it should be fine to run a few errands, as along as I didn't get "too far from the nest".  I didn't tell her that Chick-fil-a was a good 25 minute drive.

But we got through our morning without things progressing much.  We got home at lunch time, and soon after the kids were down for rest time/nap time.  I scurried around the house finishing last minute things to make the house feel in order and ready for the arrival of a baby (and a week with little cleaning).  I made an early dinner and by time that was done I was to the point of not being able to do much besides give in to labor.  My mom took the kids to a park and I got into the bathtub to relax (I have done this with each labor and it feels great!).  Towards the end of my two(!) hours in the tub my midwife arrived.  The kids came home and Alex put them in bed, and I felt like I could finally relax and just have the baby.  The contractions started getting stronger and I felt like I might be nearing transition, so I decided to get out.

I went downstairs and laid on the couch with Alex and tried to watch some March Madness with him as a diversion.  He texted my friend who was serving as doula to come, as contractions were strong enough that I was wanting some more support to get through them.  For the next 45 minutes or so I continued to lay there with the two of them helping me through each one, as they were getting progressively stronger.  I could feel that I was getting really close to transition so I decided to get up and go to the bathroom and then we would head up to the bedroom (where my midwife had been setting things up for the birth).  Standing up must have caused Zion to move down in a big way because I had a really intense, really long contraction.  It must have been audibly intense because Alex came to check on me.  After one more powerful contraction while I walked around the living room, they helped me to move upstairs.

We got up there just in time because I began to feel a really strong urge to push right when we got to the bedroom. Two pushes later my water broke, and then Zion was born one push later.

I was in a daze after he was born but I remember one of my first reactions was surprise at his light eyes and hair.  For some reason I had it in my head that all of our boys would have dark hair like Hudson and Alex, but Zion's appearance was very similar to Esther's at birth.  After a couple hours of cuddling and nursing, my midwife did his exam he was 7lb even (a half an ounce more than Esther at birth).

It has been a pretty laid back week since he was born and we are thankful.  We are in love with our new little Zion Ezekiel!